For Your Viewing Pleasure

Just checking out some Television today since my vacation started up and watching this reminded me of an important question... is there anything more ridiculous than magicians?

The rest of the party

I am have successfully downloaded the videos of the foreign teachers performance after a day and a half of labor. I had to divide them into two, so first take in my colleagues performance before being dazzled by my stage presence and lack of fire...

Out on the Town: A Chinese Party

In case it is unclear the print says "Spray the Fire," or in Chinese "Qi LinWenYi," "The Art of the Chinese Unicorn," I knew right away this party was for real.

Last night I had the honor of not only attending, but also participating in a Chinese party. Confused as to the difference between attending a party and participating in it? I was too until I attended a few hundred Chinese parties and began to adapt to the different form of celebration. At a Chinese party you will scarcely find a cocktail, nor will you find a casual atmosphere to sit back and chat with your friends. What you will find is a stage, a lot of glittery outfits, perhaps some pyrotechnics, and maybe even some sunflower seeds! Relaxation or letting go is not really the center of the Chinese party, at least from my perspective. It is a celebration, and so because of that I am sure that there is a certain feeling of relaxation that can be associated with it, but to me Chinese parties seem to revolve around performance.




In describing a Chinese party I would tend to say that it is more formal than an American party, and I guess my meaning is that in general they are more organized. Obviously there are different levels to parties, just like in the US. There are parties between small groups of friends, or there will be bigger parties at the school level, or city level or whatever. The more crusty the crowd, the more rigid party. Last week I partook in a city government party, which was remarkably rehearsed and structured, and was really more like a dramatic performance, though still termed a party. I have also gone to parties in my students classrooms that were done off the cuff, and very much relaxed, though due to the differences in cultures and celebration methods still not altogether relaxing for me. See, what all Chinese parties have in common is the value of watching individuals or groups perform in front of the larger group. It is actually a very lovely and interactive way of forming a better relationship with a circle of people. By performing in front of the group you are stripped bear in a sense, and showing a part of yourself to the group. The difficulty comes from the fact that often the participation is forced, especially of foreign guests, who get invited to parties thinking they will get to let their hair down and hang out in a relaxed out-of-class atmosphere with their students, and end up singing "Happy Birthday," or "Jingle Bells," in front of 6o some people.

The party that I attended last night was in the mid to upper ranges of formality. It was hosted by the school, so many leaders came, there was a lot of money involved in it, and it was very structured. Yet at the same time it was also run by the students, and meant for the incoming students to showoff a bit in front of their friends, so the performers were by no means professionals, leading to a much more relaxed atmosphere than say that city party I was discussing (I will blog that one too whenever I get the DVD of the performance sent to me, it was ridiculous). The Chinese party is nearly always broken up into various programs or performances. In smaller parties these "programs" could be somone singing a song, or playing a group game like charades or something. There maybe a time when everyone dances together, though group dance sessions in China I can only describe as awkward. It also might involve some kind of drinking contest, or eating contest based on the crowd. In more formal parties there will be no such games or drinking (Unless, of course, its by yourself in your room before the performance...) but the programs will usually consist of singing, dancing, or acting performances. In between each program hosts will appear on the stage in order to, depending on your perspective, help improve the atmosphere by enthusaistically firing up the crowd with beautiful words, or awkwardly move you from one program to the next with their over rehearsed and cliche-ridden dialogue. Either way, lets take a video tour of some of the highlights of last nights performance in order to allow you to better understand the workings of a Chinese party.

The performance last night started out with a bang, literally, as the hosts first came out to warmly greet the crowd there was a huge POP noise followed by a fifteen minute electrical blackout. It was stirring. The situation was really great for me as it helped to ease my nerves a bit. I was a little on edge on arrival at the scene, since the venue was outdoors, and there was probably at least a thousand students crowding around the stage to check out what was going on. The blackout might have eased my tensions, but not those of the leaders sitting next to me as they tried to show off the excellence of their department. But soon the electricity was restored and the hosts were able to take the stage once more in order to get things started. Since this party was hosted by the foriegn language department there were four hosts, two who would speak Chinese and two who would speak English. The two hosts on the right are the Chinese language hosts, while the two hosts on the left are the English language hosts. Lets take a look at how they set up the action...





I dont know about you, but that got me fired up. I was sure that they were going to show me the passion that explains their youth, as they strive to show their power, and this had me excited. Just like that this bash was underway, a blitzkrieg of fast paced programs that would only be interrupted every ten minutes by the hosts screaching the record to a halt with an almost identical scene to the one that you just viewed above. The lists of programs at this party was really quite good since it combined so many of the elements that make up modern China, there was a little bit of traditional culture, and alot of different performances that had a heavy influence from western culture. The first program involved a number of different students singing songs, all of which were Chinese songs, including this number...



We moved from traditional to very untraditional. There were two more programs, one being a comedy routine which I could not understand very well at all, and the other being another song. Then we moved on to the foreign teachers presentation. They know that the foreign teachers are usually pretty lame, so they put us early in the program to get us out of the way before the real awesomeness began, but they didn't know that this year the foreign contingent had an ace up our sleeves, in the form of our one-two punch from age to youth, leading with 70 year old canadian Helen who set them up with some quick wit, and followed by me as I knocked them down with my sterling vocals and nervous movements, listen for the falsetto!! （in between were Joe and Carolyn, a couple from NC who have been here for three years.

(I believe I have figured out the problem, so in order to check out my performance with look above, or click here)

You could see that there was a girl and a guy that came out to give me flowers during the song, which is a pretty common practice at most big parties, where models, or small children will come out and give balloons, flowers, or stuffed animals to the singers as they perform to show their approval. The guy coming up at the end I believe was meant to be a joke. After we got of stage I punched the kid in the face for stealing my thunder at the climax of my song. The clamour from our riotous performance had barely died down before the other foreign teachers came up to perform, two from Korea, a husband wife combo team that have two children came up and did an accapella number. Unfortunately I missed this program as I had to pee ridiculously bad while performing, and so as soon as I left the stage I went dashing for the nearest restroom. Upon returning to the scene I was treated to a unique spectacle. The schools two Japanese teachers, along with a visiting Japanese friend, went up and sang a famous Chinese song "Hou Lai," in Japanese with a group of Chinese students. This program I found to be particularly beautiful. The relations between the nations of China and Japan are stormy to say the least. There is a whole lot of historical and cultural baggage, and I have been told more times than I can count by Chinese friends that Chinese people dislike or hate the Japanese. So to see 3 Japanese citizens on stage with about 30 Chinese students singing a Chinese song translated into Japanese was the highlight of the evening and something I am thankful for.

It was there, upon completion of this beautiful and poetic scene, that the organizers of the party said, "F--- it... let's sex this party up!!" And the fiesta de awesome began, kicked off with a little picante flavor with some Latin dancing...

I don't know about you, but I was pretty blown away by that golden dress. But there was no time to take a breath for the amped fans as immediately following the Latin dance routine we were treated to the lyrical stylings of these students, don't let the military outfits fool you, these kids came to rock!!

Following the Military glam rock there was a series of performances I did not tape, incuding a sketch comedy routine, and a girl singing the Avril Levine song "Complicated." Avril Levine has become huge over here as she has delivered "punk" music in a nicely wrapped conformist package that the government can allow, and the general public can consume while contentedly exercising their "individualism." Upon completion of the English songs the hosts came back out to fire up the crowd, this time saying "well we just watched an English song, so why not show more of what we know about western culture," and thats when this was unleashed on everyone...

I too was wondering where my dogs were at yo...

And the sex-fest continued, as professionals took the stage...

At this point the party had reached a fevered pitch, the fire was pumping from the speakers, fireworks were going off around us, I was caught in a daze of strangely unarousing sex appeal, and just when you didn't think things couldn't get more awesome...

Wow...

The techno died down, the nunchuks, fire, and sex no longer leaped around the stage, and everyone gathered together in front of the applauding fans to say goodnight. A picture was taken of all of the performers and leaders together.

Then quickly, the leaders were wisked off stage to their awaiting black sedans with tinted windows, as they returned to the city and their expensive homes. The music turned off, all the lights turned on, (at which point I was embarrassed to realize the lady I was making out with was Helen. You know what I dream about Helen?... Nevermind)and the rest of us, teachers and students alike, stumbled home, a little hung over and disoriented, but still tingling with pleasure from another glorious night of celebration in the province of Shandong.

Daily Strangeness

I just got done eating lunch, at which time I was struck once again by something that consistently impresses me here, strange contrasts. I went out to eat at about 12:30, I usually eat a lunch at either 1230 or 1 because just about everyone else on campus like clockwork will eat between 1130 and 1200, giving them ample time for their afternoon nap, a custom I have not been able to adapt to (University lunch time break is 2 hours during winter, 2 and a half when summer rolls around and it becomes so unbearably hot we have no choice but to sleep more.).

The 1230 lunch time assures that I won't be joined for lunch by strangers who see me sitting by myself and come to the conclusion that I am lonely. People say I look sad all the time here. I guess my life would be a lot easier if I could walk around with a huge fake grin on my face all the time. The 1230 lunch time also means that you are going to be eating scraps, since all the restaurants are real small time "hole in the wall" places, and their stock is varied by what is in season, what was at the market that day, and what happened to be popular for lunch that day. The other day I had a bowl of noodles there that had meat, carrots, beansprouts, cabbage, and onion in it, which was fantastic. Today I had a bowl of noodles(same order) with a ton of cabbage, and a little bit of onion. But I actually find the lack of uniformity of the meals to be charming and somewhat comforting, since it shows how real and homey these places are. I find this sort of atmosphere to be more pleasing and healthy for me than the industrial model of restaurants that guarantees my sandwich will be the same every time, and that my interpersonal interaction will be efficient rather than personal.

Regardless, while I was waiting for my food there were very few sounds in the restaurant, there were a few boys talking to each other about class, and the sound of a woman in her thirties chopping spring onions, a little old man stirfrying dishes while yelling out orders to the old woman, who was scurrying about the kitchen organizing dishes and yelling back at the old man. I got my bowl of noodles, and then as I was eating all of the sudden heard bumping base line kick in and heard "Whoa bitch get out the way, get out the way bitch get out the way!!" come blaring out of the kitchen. I was a bit confused and turned to look around at the kitchen and found the thirty something woman chopping spring onions, the little old man stirfrying dishes while yelling out orders to the old woman, who was scurrying about the kitchen organizing dishes. Other than the hot beats, nothing had changed.

I never found out where the music was coming from, I cant imagine that it was really coming from the kitchen, and it doesn't really matter where the music was coming from, its the scene that I find the most interesting. Shades of modern western culture unexpectedly appearing in conservative or traditional looking places, though it will not usually be this drastic of an example, has become relatively commonplace here. It is interesting to see in that it shows the ubiquitousness of American culture, but it also shows something that I find interesting about Chinese culture. That being, the acceptance of the Chinese of noise pollution, or more generally, of other people's nonsense. I can be 99.9%certain that that family in the restaurant dislikes hiphop music. I can be that certain because a majority of the more westernized students dislike American hip-hop. They prefer Chinese "hip-hop," which from what I can tell entails one of the members of a pop band rapping half in English, half in Chinese for about 45 seconds during the middle of a love song. Yet despite the fact that they surely did not like the music, they still just kept on about their way, kept working, almost not even noticing the roar of the music in the background. I don't know how many people have ever worked in an American kitchen before, but I would love to see how a head chef in an American restaurant would react if someone all of the sudden started playing Beijing opera in the window of his work area. For starters, anyone within earshot would more than likely be treated to a memorable string of obscenities, and second, everyone in the restaurant would probably be dissatisfied with their lunch as a result.

This scene called to mind another occasion for me over a year ago when I was at a birthday party. We bought a birthday cake for the birthday girl. The cake comes with a special candle, once you light it, it opens up like a flower and plays the tune happy birthday in a really high pitched tone. Cute feature, but the best part is, when you blow out the candle the song keeps playing... and keeps playing... and keeps playing. Within 5 minutes I was already on the brink of insanity, and everyone else was chatting on like nothing was happening. I didn't want to rain on the parade, so I didn't say anything, but I did start drinking some ganbeis with some of the other boys there (sidenote to be discussed later-girls very rarely drink here). After about 20 minutes I finally got up the courage and asked a girl next to me if we could turn it off. She responded to me cheerfully, "I don't think you can!" She didn't even examine it or anything, she didn't care one way or the other whether or not it was on or off. While I was being driven mad by the monotony of the high pitched song, they were completely unaffected. The resolution finally came when after drinking a few more ganbeis, I casually walked over to the candle without anyone paying much attention and ripped the wires out of it. Everyone noticed the music stopping, went silent and looked over at me, there was a moment of confusion, maybe awkwardness, and then everyone began laughing together, saying, "Oh was the music bothering you? hahahaha!!!"

I was blown away, but it explains a lot around here of how Chinese people can feel at ease in this overpopulated environment that most westerners feel to be agitating and stressful. They have become accustomed to it, they are used to the huge population, and used to the inconveniences (or I guess what we consider to be inconveniences)that are associated with it. Some of those inconveniences include the lack of fixed lines when waiting to purchase something, having to deal with sometimes unbearable amounts of noise pollution, having to deal with what seems to be a general impatience in society, yet at the same time having to wait on the road for someone who has stopped their car in front of you to go into a store to buy something quickly or talk to a friend. In all, dealing with a general lack of peace and quiet and privacy. Yet the patience level shown by Chinese for dealing with all of these things in a relatively respectful manner is off the charts, and something I enjoy learning from.

From the restaurant I made my way to the supermarket to buy some tea. When paying for the tea I accepted my money and left, and heard from behind as I was exiting the cashier say exaggeratedly for eveyone to hear, "Xiexie... bu ke qi!!" (Thank you... your welcome). She was very apparently taking a shot at me for not being polite. This was pretty annoying to me for a couple of reasons. One reason is that in general polite language is not as commonly used in Chinese society. This is not to say that the people are not polite, simply that the direct usage of the language is less. I am constantly reminded by friends that it is unneccessary for me to thank them, whenever I am in a restaurant or storing my bicycle in a bicycle parking lot I will thank the employees who will either be bewildered by my politeness(sometimes being embarrassed, or pleased), or say to other friends how much foreigners love to say "thank you." (which is just plain true, I can't get enough of it) if you were to watch an average line at the supermarket you would probably find that 3 to 4 in 10 people would say thank you. The cashier for some reason was picking me out, which most likely would be because I am foreign, though if I were to say that to anyone around here that would be outright denied and another explanation would be quickly offered.

The second reason it is upsetting is even more frustrating. The truth is that my instincts are to say thank you to service workers, I think it is a very good thing to do, yet whenever you go into a store in this area the people are waiting to hear you speak English. If you say something in English they will freak out and yell to their friends, "Did you hear that?!!! I don't understand, hahaha!!" And if you speak to them in Chinese, which is the logical thing to do in China, many people will snicker and say more casually to their friends, "He just said xiexie!!" who also in turn laugh. From these experiences I have a distaste for thanking employees (which is really the worst part) and at the same time some of the employees get upset at me for not thanking them bc they are anticipating me saying it. It's a really common and annoying habit of certain people I have run into, to hear you say something in a foreign language and then laugh to themselves and repeat what you have just said to themselves or their friends, nothing makes you feel more like a disprespected 4 year old child.

But back to the noise pollution thing, I find the general tolerance of noise pollution to be a handy quality for myself since tonight I have been invited to perform a song at a party to welcome all of the new students to the school. Can't wait to let them get a load of my vocal prowess, there will surely be large groups of students in the stands going, "I immediately regret this decision!!" At the request of the school I will be singing a Chinese song, so to all 4 people who voted to help me to decide what song to sing, I am sorry. Luckily the lack of popularity of my blog makes it easy to break my promises. But I still will be recording the nights events in case anything funny happens along the way, as I sing the Wang Li Hong hit, "Wo Men De Ge" (Our song).

URGENT HELP NEEDED!!

Well I made it through my first television experience last night, and as expected it was hilarious and exhausting. I had to single handedly navigate through a 12 hour day of dealing with Chinese bureaucrats, television personalities, constant judgement, tremendously differing opinions on what looks and sounds good, and hordes upon hordes of devious little make-up covered children.

Yet I am alive to live and party another day. which brings me to my next thought...

Unfortunately I don't have any pictures yet so I'll wait to comment on the party until I can get a hold of them. But now I have more important issues with which I need people's help. In preparing for the party last night I got a text saying that next wednesday night there is another party that they want me to perform at, apparently the party in China just doesn't stop. The upcoming party is a welcome party for the new students of the University, and they have asked for me to perform a song. These parties are pretty big and I will be performing in front of anywhere from 500 to over 1000 students. I need input on what song I should sing in order to properly wow my Chinese hosts. I will post a poll on the sidebar. I hope some of the ten or so people that have stumbled across my blog can make it back, hell maybe even some new friends, in order to aid me in this most crucial of decisions. Obviously my poll will be limited so anyone who has any other song ideas please leave them in the comments area of this entry. I guarantee I will perform the most voted for song no matter what that may be(within reason, I won't perform any gravely offensive songs, i.e. I won't sing the theme from Team America World Police in front of a bunch of Chinese patriots, or "When I think about you I touch myself"), taken full in video on my digital camera and then later posted on this blog.

More New Friends

These guys aren't bastards, but we do hang out without our shirts on.

It can often be a weird world over here in who you meet. Yesterday a friend of a friend gives a call to me and says "friend, how's it going?" That phrase 100 percent of the time means, "Could you do me a favor?" I always have a hard time saying no to these things, because the people asking for the favor are always so damn insistent. You say "I'm sorry I'm really busy." and their response is "how about tomorrow... no? What about saturday? no? OK hows Monday?" And you never really get to the point where they say, “Oh, i get it... I see how it is(Sniffle)"

So I set up to meet with said businessmen at the front gate of my school last night to help them look at some English webpages they can't understand. I walk to the front gate and see no sign of the good buddy of my buddy. But thats because I am looking for cars, it turns out he and his partner have decided to show up on huge loud motorcycles(turns out their busienss is fixing motorcycles) to pick me up at my work place. Now this wouldn't be that big a deal normally, the problem is that there is only one John Lenhart in Zaozhuang, and rumours spread pretty quick. The huge motorcycles and sketchy appearance of these dudes had them marked out by everyone within a KM radius as huge bastards, no covering it up, and so as I jumped on the motorcycle and took off there was at least a few hundred students watching, laughing, and starting up the rumour mill that is gonna have everyone in a week saying I have started up a pricey prostitution ring in the middle of Zaozhuang (which I will go on the record saying that I have not, no matter what you've heard)

But it was a great time, the guys really were huge bastards, they fit the bill in every category, from their leather outfits (with fake Lacoste or Kappa t-shirts underneath), straight down to the chain smoking. I ended up tossing around a few gan beis with them, to the point that one of them started talking about how since we were such good friends he wanted me to tutor his six year old son, to which his friends laughed and responded "your son can barely speak Chinese, how is he gonna learn English." Apparently, his son is a big idiot.

The one thing that is so interesting about the whole thing is that these guys are the archetype for the bastard, and they are really good guys. Everyone in the University fears these guys, and has no wish to talk to them for fear of having a dagger plunged into their gut or being corrupted by their immoral ways. And these guys did have a few scars that I imagine might have come from fights they have been in. Yet the whole time, though their methods are very different, they were every bit as polite as the most educated "leader" has ever been to me, and in some ways more so. Bastards see you on level ground with them. They are capable of seeing past the cultural bullshit and seeing a person. They don't have that condescending tone, or knowing grin that leaders possess which makes you feel small; the look that shows they are content because they can categorize you based on your appearance. When you're out with a bastard there is no worries about any small guffaws with eating or toasting rituals, and in general everything is more relaxed. The bastards are similar to foreigners in a way, as they are quickly categorized based on their appearance, and left on the outside of the mass of society. But I have the feeling that alot of these bastards wouldn't want it any other way.

Gotta love a good bastard. When your out with a bastard there's nothing between you except for two empty glasses and anywhere from 2 to 37 liters of beer.

A Tale of Two Days

This weekend I had the pleasure of going to Jinan, the largest city in Shandong Province, in order to take a standardized test. Loads of fun. I generally enjoy going to the big cities though because in some ways it can be soothing. When you are in a large city you don't have to deal with nearly as many stares or ridiculous questions about my personal life. Big cities also actually sell western food, and it is a telling sign of how little western food I get here that Pizza Hut has become a delicacy(Great side note, The Chinese name for a meat lovers pizza when directly translated to English can be said as "Aromatic Meat Deserves Respect!" Can't argue with that one)

The funny thing about going to a large city in order to find some sanity is how f%$#ing crazy big cities are. At least in a small town the annoyances you deal with generally only come from innocent ignorance. In a big city you have to deal with bonafide freak shows and D-bags who are smarter than you. After finishing my test I was riding high, and went to a western restaurant for some lasagna and a Beamish Stout, which was wonderful. Upon completion ofthe meal I decided to walk around a bit, do a little shopping before I took a bus home. Walking down the I was pulled over by a honking woman in a car screaming hello at me. I told her I was busy and had to go, a little freaked by the situation, but she made it clear to me that my first impression of her was mistaken by yelling at me "nooo! I just want talk!!" So I went up to her window and warmly told her that I was sorry but I don't speak English, being from Spain and all. I often have to lie to people about my country of origin in order to get into a situation where people might actually use Chinese to communicate with me in China. She lost interest in me quickly since she was looking for an English speaker to teach at their school. She was using a fantastic method of employee recruitment that I have become quite familiar with over my time here. Its as simple as it is subtle, you stop random white guys/girls on the street, tell them that they are handsome/beautiful, say you want to be their friend, and then say that you think you would be a great teacher for their school. I've got to wonder about that tactics efficiency rating.

So I was a little concerned as it seemed even in the big city I was not going to be able to reach an acceptable level of anonymity, and just as I turned the corner, the music stopped... and there she was. Her luscious red and yellow facade, that oh so sweet aroma filling my senses with pleasure... yes it was Pizza Hut. A new one, that I hadn't been to before. As I began cursing myself for having wasted my appetite on the Lasagna a little earlier, I began to become aware of someone yelling hello. I wasn't going to let that bastard ruin my moment and kept on admiring the glowing letters of the sign, and the happy families inside enjoying... a stuffed crust perhaps... maybe a personal pan with seasoned curly fries??

BAM! I was awoken from my trance by an irritated woman wearing a ridiculous hat slapping me on the shoulder and screaming HALUO!! at me. I was stunned and more than a little pissed and turned on the old lady yelling at her asking her why the hell she wanted to hit me. She was a little taken a back by me speaking Chinese, but then regained her composure to begin screaming at me in an unearthly language " Hala wit za te chu faw dedid la!", and I was then able to notice that she had a total of about 6 teeth in her mouth and was completely insane. So I quietly moved on.

The whole day in the city of Jinan I was approached by 8 people, not one of which had any interest in speaking Chinese with me, this even including service people at restaurants, hotels, and bookstores. If I made an attempt at speaking Chinese with them they would have two methods of deflection, one being responding to me in English, "you Chinese is very good" and then continuing on in broken English, the second snickering at me like I'm a little bit adorable, al little bit stupid, and then clearing up the situation for me by saying, "I speak English." Thanks. It drives me crazy, am I in China or what?

After being frightened, insulted, and stripped of confidence on the tough streets of Jinan I returned to the friendly confines of Zaozhuang, quickly made my way home and went to sleep. Day 2 turned out to be an entirely different day than the first.

I was awoken at 8 AM by my drivers in order to be ecorted to the "new city" of Zaozhuang, which has been constructed through massive gonvermental corruption funneling huge amounts of public funds into the construction of a beautiful new area where only high ranking officals live. I was taking here because it was determined that I had all the qualifications to become one of the three special hosts for a televised party marking the opening ceremony for not only the much hailed Pomegranate Festival, but also an International Trade Fair. After a grueling selection process, which included them calling up my bosses and saying, find us a foreigner, they decided that I was indeed foreign enough to settle in alongside local broadcasting greats Li Zheng, and Huang Jie(Li Zheng is alright, Huang Jie I might end up punching in the face while on stage).

I discover the whole script is in Chinese and the party will be performed not only on live television, but also in front of theater with a capacity of over 1000 people, all of whom will be city leaders and possible investors from other areas of China and other countries. I spent the day hanging out with various crusty leader men, none of whom do I remember the name of, as we talked of love for the Olympics and pledged our friendship over a flurry of Ganbei's(since we couldn't get drunk because of afternoon commitments we clearly drank beer instead of wine, for as we all know, beer does not have the ability to impair the senses).

So this coming Friday is my big break. If I don't blow it I will become a somewhat well known host of parties on one of the television stations in the smallest city in Shandong Province, which is only marginally popular even in the city itself. Can you feel the excitement?! From the depressing madness of Jinan to the glory of fake celebrity, I am glad the weekend is over. Hopefully the party won't turn into a fiasco, regardless I will be taking pictures of the events and recording it all here next weekend.

Chinese Wedding Time！

With school in session again I have suddenly become remarkably busy with unimportant things. As I work my way through the gauntlet of urgent questions about my ability to use chopsticks, or if I do in fact like China, I am still able to find time to have some enjoyable outings. This weekend a close friend of mine got married and I was able to participate in his wedding as a Gui Bin, or VIP （Holla!). Between the slamming of bottles of Champagne, hits off the Opium pipe, and the full body massages that accompany being a Guibin I was able to take an account of the affair (said Guibin experience has been eliminated from the story to respect the privacy of these particular Guibins, as well as maintain the already questionable respectability of this bastards blog.) Checking out the wedding is a great way of getting to know more about life in general in China, it shows off Chinese culture at its festive best.

Theres nothing quite like a Chinese wedding, which you know is coming from the early morning firecrackers that help you to wake up in a cold sweat at 4-6am in the morning, mistaking your bedroom for a battleground. I have had the good fortune of partaking in quite a few weddings since I arrived here, partly because there's alot of Chinese people and partly because of the Chinese wedding's generally open invitation policy. One time I was walking down the street and I ran into a friend of mine. I asked him where he was going, he asked if I had eaten yet (a standard greeting in China, Chi fan le ma?) and upon responding I hadn't he said "I'm on my way to a classmates wedding, let's go!" And just like that I had unexpectedly hopped aboard the Ganbei train to Drunkat1pmville.

But my most recent wedding was the wedding of a close friend, making it more meaningful to me, and I want to go on a tour of the wedding process, showing some of the uniqueness of the ceremony in this region, showing some of the cross cultural similarities, and showing what a good time the whole ceremony can be (for those who are not getting married on that day).

Don't get too close now guys... OK , good spacing, now take it!

An interesting sidenote to this wedding was where it was taking place. It was a small city in Shandong Province called Taier Zhuang, famous for a battle that took place in this town over 60 years ago, during the Second Sino-Japanese War, or what is referred to as the "Anti-Japanese War" in China. This war is remarkably important to understanding modern Chinese culture as there are still bitter feelings of anger and even hatred towards a not completely apologetic Japan over the travesties and humiliations that occured in China during that time. (An informative movie to check out about this war is Nanking , which has a definite western influence, but sometimes that is a good thing given the sensitivity of the events that occured) The building behind me and my two bros in the picture is a museum dedicated to the Anti-Japanese War, built by the Communist party, and was very genuinely interesting and informative(sure there is propaganda, but take a look at USA Today). The only problem was that the tour of the museum had to be done at breakneck pace since we had not known we would be enjoying a tour that day, and had arrived just 1 hour before the ceremony. So our three hour tour was done in 45 minutes and at the end I think all of our heart rates were uncomfortably high, much higher than a "trip for leisure" would expect.

But we made it on time to the wedding facilities, which in China tends to be a large hotel/restaurant/banquet hall. The modern Chinese wedding ceremony has a few parts to it, since it is a mixture of ancient traditions and newer customs, some of which have a western influence. According to tradition women, upon being married, become a part of the grooms family. I mean this in the strictest sense, it means that the woman is literally being "transferred" from her fathers family to the groom's family. From this moment on the bride's family would have very little of any contact with their daughter. This tradition, more than just showing the objectification of women that is standard in traditional patriarchal societies, also helped to develop the idea that bearing a female child is bearing for another family, and helps to partially explain the favoritism towards male offspring that still creepily holds sway in modern China. Since the bride was moving from one house to the other the tradition on wedding day was for a group of men to form a caravan and go to the bride's former residence, and literally carry her from her "virgin" bed to her wedding bed. (if you want to see a great example check out this section of the Zhang Yi Mou film "Red Sorghum") The men carrying the bride would not be the husband himself, but either friends or servants, and the woman would have to keep her head covered at all times with a veil. The veil would continue to cover her face until she was finally brought into the presence of her future husband, and during the ceremony he would remove the veil. (In traditional weddings this was often the first time that the two had ever seen each other.... AWKWARD!)

(SIDENOTE- The reason this would be the first time they met in traditional society is that traditionally couples were made through matchmakers, or negotiations between parents. The children had little say int he matter of their future life partner. In modern China, obviously, this policy no longer exists, though we could also say that the dating scene is not anything like in the United States. The peer/public/familial pressure to get married in China is even more intense than in the US, and so this along with more conservative ideas about sexual relations, leads to alot of 23-27 year olds getting introduced to each other through friends or family members in order to help discuss their compatibility. Not the most romantic ceremony, but it gets the job done. There are still many people who do date and work things out for themselves also, but there is an interesting dynamic of practicality, and of the necessity of geting married in some families.)

The "caravan" arriving

The way that this is played out in modern society is a bit different, and the truth is that alot of younger Chinese don't really know the roots of the wedding traditions here, much like we don't know ours. In a modern Chinese wedding the "caravan" will be a group of black cars, usually Audis or Volkswagens, decked out with flowery decorations. Where the bride will be picked up is based on the selection of the bride and groom, but they will surely end their journey in their new house, where they may already be living, on a newly decorated bed covered in beautiful red adornments. In this house the bride and groom, along with thier closest friends, will do the first part of the ceremony, where the bride and groom show their respects to the gods to their parents and to each other in a series of 3 Kowtows. After finishing this part of the ceremony then the couple will move off to the banquet hall where all of their other closest friends, relatives, some white guy they might have met in the hall at English Corner, and more than a few bastards are waiting for them. This is when things start to get really festive.

The money table for "Red Envelopes"

This particular wedding was an interesting one since they very clearly displayed alot of the different trends in modern Chinese weddings, while also including some very traditional elements. The traditional color of the bridal gown in China is red. But in modern times it is a toss-up as to whether the bride will wear red or white. Sometimes it will be both, as at the ceremony the bride will wear a white gown and then for the banquet a red one. In this wedding the bride did wear the traditional red veil, with a white bridal gown, and the following two videos follow the formal ceremony side of the wedding, which only lasts about 15-20 minutes. The first video is of the entrance of the bride and groom into the banquet hall. The parents of the bride are completely uninvolved, and so the groom walks the bride down the aisle into a much less formal setting than a christian church.

Arriving on the stage They then begin the formal ceremony, where once again, in front of all of these people: They will raise the veil, and then do the ceremonious bows I mentioned before yet again, but this time... it will be spectacular!!!

And be followed by the parents handing over a "red envelope," stuffed with cash to help the young couple on their way(red envelopes are standard at a few chinese celebrations, including the Spring Festival, and are always stuffed with cash). The fireworks are pretty common now at weddings, to go along with the firecrackers you can hear in the video above. All of which leads to the deafening of ear drums and this sort of an environment to be married in...

A new and sexy addition to the ceremony is that of the kiss between the bride and the groom. This would never have taken place in traditional more conservative Chinese ceremonies, and still doesn't take place in many of the ceremonies I have seen, but has become more and more common, and sexy...

And just like that this ceremony was over, and on we move to the baijiu bath that is a Chinese wedding lunch. The parents of the bride and groom first circle around all the tables and invite everyone to take shots(really half shots) of Baijiu, which you will take at least two, since even numbers are lucky, and may take up to eight, or more. Then comes the bride and the groom, again circling the tables and inviting everyone to take shots. This is all added on top of the drinking that takes place at the tables anyway. Obviously this is not required to be done, people can back out of the drinking, and its perfectly accepted that they are disrespectful cowards. Really the drinking it is not forced, even though it is encouraged.

One of the happy suprises of this wedding in particular was the specialty fair of the town of Taier Zhuang that they wished for everyone to try...

Thats right folks, Dog meat and garlic raw garlic cloves!! MMMM it sounds as good as it looks doesn't it? Most people know that in general foreigners have a problem with dog meat, so there was an awkward period when it arrived as they all discussed whether it would be a problem, which I finally told them not to worry about it, since I have had it before, and if am making the choice to eat meat, I don't much seem see the point indiscerning between cows and dogs. I got a response of laughter, which I still don't quite understand, there are so many times I don't make a joke and kill people here.

The style of eating the dog here was a little unique, however (and sexy...maybe?), as you first were to eat a full clove of raw garlic and then eat the meat. Dog's biggest problem is how stringy it is, a pretty unappealing texture. When you combine that with the stench of raw garlic around a room of 8 men drinking rancid liquor you get an idea of why this room and eating style was so damn sexy!

Unfortunately the dog and the baijiu can't last forever and finally the wedding had to come to an end (at like 330 in the afternoon we got done eating, finishing with "food" or a starch product such as bread, rice or noodles, standard style of eating a Chinese meal.) as we all bid our farewells, hopped in our assorted cars and returned home to sleep the afternoon away. Some earlier than others...

Another wedding in the books, yet I'll still be awoken tomorrow morning by the firecrackers signalling yet another few weddings occurring tomorrow.

Who Wants Some?!

The writing at the top of the doorway say "Free Physical Room," Sign me up!!!

For Your Viewing Pleasure

WOW， I dont know if this clip has hit the US yet, but this is pretty funny, it's a video of a Russian high jumper who just showed up to compete at a large competition(this track meet had both Bolt and Powell running in it) completely hammered. They say he had been drinking a mixed drink of energy drinks and vodka. Awesome.

Update:

I have discovered why those police officers were driving so slowly down the road the other day when I was riding my bike. We have entered the exciting portion of the year where farmers being to harvest their crops. Upon harvesting the farmers are left with a huge excess of stalks and husks that they wish to dispose of. The traditional method of disposal has been by burning them, which is fantastic as it adds to the already world renowned Chinese air quality. I remember my first year here where I would be jogging in the afternoon and notice that it had mysteriously become extremely foggy in just 15 minutes time. Then I would get choked out by the smoke and realize what was really happening as I coughed my way back home. Delicious.

This practice has been made illegal by the Shandong government in an attempt to cut down on the air pollution(thus the aforementioned slow moving police car on the country road), but as is often the case with legislation, it was a bit short-sighted and has created new problems. The farmers in China have very limited land, since the population is so enormous, and so there is no room on their plot of land to put the excess organic material to decompose. The government will remove it for the farmers, but for a fee, of course. Farmers in China, like farmers around the world do not have much of a disposable income. Most farmers in China, again like many farmers around the world, are attempting to use what limited resources they have to get their children through college, so that their children don't have to continue to do grueling labor for minimal economic benefits. So this new fee is something that is difficult for them.

Luckily the farmers have come up with an ingenious method to evade this problem. There are police cars that patrol the country streets making sure that burning doesn't occur(burning is now a fineable offense, yet another way to extract some money). Yet the crafty farmers patiently wait for nightfall, where, in the sweet embrace of darkness they can begin their work, for as we all know, fire is virtually undetectable under the cover of darkness!!

At least this system works for the farmers for now, until the government decides to stop it and force the police officers to be on call at night time, but it does suck to wake up in the morning and choke on smoke.

Manners Please

Labor day has passed (in the US) and the new school year has begun! We officially "opened study" on Monday. Exciting times as I wake from the spell of a summer of no work, just reading, walking and doing as I please... always hard to get back to work. And the thing that makes it hardest to get back to work around here is that I am always having to meet people for the first time. There is no way around here of having a group of friends and just, for the most part, sticking with it. You might develop a group of friends, but will be forced continually to add on superfluous relationships just because people want to say or feel as though they have a foreign friend. It reminds me of when Stephen Colbert was having a contest to find his black friend. Here I am every body's one black friend, except I'm white. Got it?

This morning I woke up at 5:30 and went to the school track in order to run a few miles before the day begins. This is my favorite time of day to be outside. It is generally quiet, the air smells clean (there is no coal burning overnight...yet) and the exercise fells good, invigorating me more than just physically. It can be a very peaceful time. One thing that generally separates a college campus in China from one in the United States is the fact that at this hour of the morning there are a good number of students out at the track jogging or walking to get an active start to the day. I know there were a lot of times that this was the hour that I was making my way home in college, but the curfews here curtail that. Regardless, I made it through about a lap and a half when I noticed that a boy who had been running in front of me had started walking and stretching his arms. I ran by him as normal and then heard that sound that I know so well and fear so much as I run. CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP!! I slowly and steadily hear the heavy footsteps of the boy as he approaches me from behind. I am familiar with this situation, in fact it probably happens to me about once in every 8 trips to the track(precision in statisticsis key). Probably a student looking for his opportunity to practice English, or show how polite Chinese people are. This morning, however, I am in no mood to chat with someone who I have never met before, and so as I hear his approach I cleverly step off to the side of the track and start stretching though I have already stretched. I look at him to make sure he is in fact following me, he was, right behind me, and I find that he is a little thrown by my move off the track, he finds himself unable to do anything but throw a wave at me and say in voice that I have no choice but to describe as slightly retarded, "Hiii!"

"whats up man." No one knows how to respond to my incredibly fluent English. When I throw out complex phrases like "whats up" out there it leaves even the most confident of students guessing, and I know this. Its the luxury I have of having such an extensive vocabulary. I could even throw a "Whats going on," or "Hows it going," out there if I have to.

Anyway I stretch some more, let the kid get ahead of me by half a lap and then try to continue on my way, determined to get some exercise. Yet I discover as I have made my way around the track that the kid is walking and stretching his arms again. I'm thinking, no way buddy, same move?? Yes indeed, as I pass him this time I am serenaded yet again with the CLOMP CLOMP of his footsteps. He must have ankle weights on... training, definitely. Regardless as he is approaching I pass two young girls and then hear from behind an audible yelp of surprise that sounds something like Scooby Doo when he smells a Scooby Snack, though less gruff. Then they banter back in forth in Chinese trying to guess my identity. I have by this time started walking again and moved off of the track, and I hear the boy who was tracking me join in on their conversation, as he clearly has to no reason to run anymore, since I, his main competition, has left the track. At that point I decided to abandon the track area, and so two laps later, instead of getting any exercise in I find myself glued to a computer screen, finding consolation in a couple spoonfuls of Peanut Butter and a piping hot cup of Green Tea .

This mornings episode calls to mind what occurred to me last night. Outside of my house there are conveniently located a few pull-up bars, and other exercise apparatus' that I have no idea how to use, but I swear to god that one of them is a steering wheel of a car. I feel like I am back at the playground at HCS. I went out at about 8 PM Beijing time, last night to do some pull-ups and continue my battle against the pouch that finds its way settling into my belly. As I am doing these exercises I discover that there is a man that appears to be looking repeatedly over in my direction. But it is dark out, so I consider myself safe. I still cut my session a bit short, and make my way back out into the light(Oh, the dreaded light!) as I cross the street back to my apartment complex. As I am crossing the street in the back ground I kind of hear something, but I don't really pay attention, until finally as I am about to make my way into my building I here someone scream out "HEY!" and I am startled into looking. I don't see anything but I hear a frog-like voice emanating from the shadows saying in English, "Hey man, please come here, hey!" I felt like I was on an after-school special teaching about the dangers of crack dealers or child molesters. Needless to say I didn't make the trip across the street.

The examples are too numerous to mention, like last year when I was walking down the street for the first time at my new school and a guy came up to me like we were old friends and was like(again clearly in English)，“hey." I said hey and then after a minute of him talking to me I was like, "I'm sorry do I know you?" and his response was of course, "I know you, you are 28 years old, right?!" Clearly proving to me that he was a trust worthy and well informed friend. This behavior is so common that it creates a strange atmosphere of paranoia for me at times where as I was walking back home today I heard footsteps approaching from behind me and I swung around ready to bring the hammer down on some little kid who was running by me bc he was late for class. The weird thing about all of this is these actions aren't seen as weird, or possibly bothersome by many people here, they feel as though they are being polite.

And I am sure that some people who read this are like, why not just talk to the guys? Whats the harm? Yet imagine if every time that you leave the house you were to have no idea whether or not you might be forced to have a conversation with someone you don't know, describing where you are from, why you are living in the area you are living in, and some other random topic like the weather, all in incredibly broken English that inevitably will conclude with, "I want to be your friend!! Can I have your mobile phone number?" That sucks, so I avoid it as indirectly as possible, though sometimes it is unavoidable in order to keep Chinese from thinking all foreigners are dicks.

The thing that is strange to me is the idea that forcing yourself on someone is polite. Now, as I have mentioned before, I am a well established bastard in the Shandong area, so I may be mistaken, but it is my understanding that being polite is to truly communicate with a person, and based on the information that they provide you finding a way to help them or make them more comfortable. Too often around here I am thrown into the arms of blind politeness, where people see me as a foreigner and already assume that they understand my circumstances. Obviously, since I am a foreigner in China, I am lonely, looking for a friend, unable to communicate in any way with the natives, and pretty much helpless. So this calls for people at all times of day to approach me and help me by talking to me to alleviate my loneliness, and offer to help me to buy things at the supermarket, where all you need to do is pick out what you want and bring it to the cash register. So many people will walk up to me on the street and out of the blue ask me, "Do you need help?" and I am like, Jeez, do I look lost or something? People just assume that because I am foreign that I need help, and so they politely offer it, unintentionally perpetuating the process of slowly suffocating me of my personal space.

It would be like inviting a vegetarian over to your house and attempting to convince them to eat meat because you have been trained to think that meat is necessary to live a healthy life. Perhaps you are sure that you are being polite from your own limited perspective, you are attempting to offer them something that you find delicious, and trying to help them live what you believe to be a healthier lifestyle. But the truth is that from the outside perspective of the vegetarian this isn't polite at all, and in fact is bothersome. If true communication were to occur between the two parties it would be a different story, one where perhaps a friendship could develop and all could learn something, but that would require listening, which sadly in my experience occurs too infrequently.

In have read rave reviews about all of the volunteers in Beijing that helped tourists during the Olympics, and secretly I cringe. In that atmosphere, where 90 percent of the foreigners that are in that area are tourists with no knowledge of Chinese, it is logical for people to go up and try to help people. Tourists would also often like to get a chance to speak with natives at random times, since their time is limited to get a feel for the life of that area. Yet it is that festive atmosphere that later gets broadcast into the public of Shandong and later makes its way into my life, only around here it is neither helpful nor festive. To assume that I am a tourist or lost because I am white is as silly as assuming that I speak English because I am white(I often tell people I am Russian, shuts people up pretty quick).

This turned into a longer rant than expected. I have no way of venting these frustrations to my Chinese friends since they have difficulty understanding my perspective, and so I am forced to blog my face off for survival. One more spoon of Peanut Butter thank you very much!

Home of the free?

Today as I was riding my bicycle into town on a country road I came across a police car moving at an extremely slow speed, it had its emergency lights on. There were four men, all officers inside of the car, and the car was going slow enough that I was actually able to pass it on my bike. After a few minutes I felt a car slowly approaching me from behind, I knew it was the police car... I prepared myself for what would happen next, since I have had to deal with this a few times since arriving here. The cop car pulled up slightly in front of me, surely enough the officer riding shotgun peered his head slightly out the window. He looked at me for a moment, then broke into a goofy grin and shouted "HALLOOOU?!" The car moved forward at a slightly faster speed, fast enough to out-distance me, as in the back one officer punched another on the arm laughing and the driver patted his partner on the shoulder for a job well done.

"What's up guys... keep up the good work." Its easy to see why there are so many movie scenes where incompetent, arrogant cops get the crap beat out of them by heroes and villains alike.

One of the things that struck me as I was riding the bike afterwards though was thinking about the fact that the whole time that the cop car came up at me from behind I was never for one second nervous. I never once got that strange sick feeling that you sometimes get when you see a cop car while driving in the US, as you check every gage in the car to make sure that you aren't committing some kind of fineable offense. This is because over my time here I have come to discover that a cop car in China really has no significant meaning. The built in siren does give the cop car the ability to be louder than other cars on the road, but other than that, it really means nothing.

Chinese traffic is crazy, and it can be quite scary. There have been a number of times that I have been riding in taxis and have been nervous for my life. All of the sudden the taxi may approach a cop car from behind as it speeds along. At this point the American in me relaxes a bit thinking, "whew, there is no way this guy will continue to take the ridiculous chances he has been taking with a cop car around, safe for now at least," when all of the sudden the driver will whip across a divide into oncoming traffic in order to speed pass the cop car that has thoughtlessly been impeding his way. The officers in the car don't even blink, they take the next left hand turn and continue about their business. At first this was mind boggling to me, until I began to get used to it.

One of the things that this made me think about a lot was what we consider freedom. It is the basic notion by most people in the USA(myself included) that America is the freest country in the world, and that China is lacking in freedom, being dominated by an authoritarian government. Yet in some ways, life in China is freer than that in the US, it is just a matter of perspective.

Traffic rules are one example, though a dangerous one. And there are many more, in China there is no drinking age, and so it is normal to see 18-21 year olds drinking with their family at parties. It is possible for me in China to get a bus driver to stop for me at a place that isn't a standard bus stop if that is the more convenient place for me; I will even get a discount on the ticket since it's "illegal." People who don't have a huge amount of money are able to start up family business' to support their families, without having to go through all of the licensing regulations that United States business owners must go through, giving a small time business owner half a chance at success.

Now I am not saying that life is better in China than in the US, nor am I saying that the laws in the United States are illogical. I understand the reasons America has the laws that they do. But I think that its important to see that there are limitations to living in any country, and that freedom, many times, is simply a matter of perspective. China is often criticized for depriving its citizens of basic freedoms, yet there are times when I talk with students about certain laws that the United States has, and they are stunned to find that Americans can live with such strict law enforcement. Driving would be one example, along with some of the laws that United States has on child rearing and hitting children. The point here of the Chinese was not that hitting children was justifiable, but it just seemed so strange to them how American law enforcement could become involved with the internal matters of a family.

What China gets criticized most about is its lack of freedom of speech for the press and the citizens of the country. I also find that in my personal life I feel the dredges of the long arm of Chinese bureacracy. Entering and leaving the country can be difficult. If I travel anywhere I always have to bring my passport so that people can register me. I am unable to take part-time work in my spare time, because my contract explicitly states that I cannot.

What is the reasoning I am given every time I run into one of these inconveniences. Saftey!! I can't take another job because there are people who could "take advantage of me," (though I have been here for over three years now, and speak the language.) it is to protect me. Why must I register with a passport everywhere I go? So that someone knows the last place I was in case something happens to me. Entering and leaving the country is difficult to protect the citizens of the People's Republic. Censorship too is rationalized as being for the safety of the people. Disagreeable political content is censored so as to avoid any possibility of a small group of people upsetting the peace that this nation has worked so hard to construct. Sexual content is censored from movies because it is the job of the wise men( and they are men, believe me) in the government to assure that the younger generation is not led by scandalous(western*) sex scenes into temptation.

But doesn't this sound familiar? Why does America have the drinking age? For the safety of young inexperienced minors. Why does America have a stricter immigration service than China? For the safety of the Citizens of the United States. Why is Washington honestly considering allowing people to tap anyone's phone in the country? Safety!

I don't at all defend the actions of the Chinese government. Their censorship and limitations are maddening, especially as a teacher trying to work with students creatively. (It is also maddening when trying to watch satelite feed basketball games back home when the internet firewall won;t let me access NBA.com on that day) The thing to keep in mind is that this idea of freedom is a relative thing. What we condsider to be free is more what we become accustomed to through experience rather than a tangible phenomenon of FREEDOM that can be created.


Is the United States really a much freer country than China, as time goes on I think it is harder and harder to say. There are many rules here, but there are many rules in the United States too. The cultural, sociological, and demographic realities of this area will make some of the rules different than in the United States, yet similar rules everywhere exist, for similar reasons.

A friend of mine, Johnson(thats his first name, absolute stud), said to me the other day when we were talking about government censorship, "The Chinese people are used to it." This is probably not be a good thing, because ideally it would be great if change could occur, but the main idea that he conveyed was an important one. Johnson loves his country and is proud to live here. Though there are things about China that are not perfect, these problems do not in general effect the daily lives of the people in this nation any more than the problems of the United States effect ours. Most of the people that I have met in China over my time here are content to be living here and aren't living under the repressive regime the US media often paints China to be, for they don't feel repressed.


Are they happy? Aahhh that is a much deeper question which I am incapable of answering. But I would recommend going into any bar in upstate NY on say a Tuesday night, and you would probably hear alot of the same comments that you might find from people on the streets here.


*So often in conversations with my students and friends I am bombarded with the fact that lascivious western influence is contaminating the purity of the previously saintly Chinese people. This type of thought (remarkably unfounded when you look at the history of prostitution and multiple marriage in this nation, as well as all the health and psychological problems associated with sexual repression) is hugely difficult to live with as a young American man walking down the street with a Chinese woman. In the US, I am a nerdy looking white guy, In China, I am a sexual predator. Holla!

Out On The Town

One of the biggest differences between life in China and life in the US, especially for younger people, is the difference in night life. This can be a big problem too. A good night out on the town can be a great cure for the stress and boredom that can accompany life in a foreign country. I think this is part of the reason (though clearly not the whole reason)that I hear how much people love it living abroad in places like France and Spain, while hearing more complaints than rave reviews about life in China. Many people make the mistake of thinking that China has no night life, and that it is boring here (I hear this from both Chinese and foreign people alike ). This is far from the truth, you just have to readjust what you consider to be "going out." Then its easy to discover that there is plenty to experience in these parts.


What would be considered standard night life in the US simply does not exist outside of the largest cities of China. Even in cities like Beijing and Shanghai, if you were to go out to bars after about 9pm Beijing time (its all Beijing time in China, no time zones, making for a weird time schedule in Tibet) you would find that the bar scene is almost exclusively exchange students, foreign teachers/workers, and backpackers, with a few new rich Chinese people out to show off their wealth. In the provinces and more rural communities bars tend to be the hangouts of ruffians, bastards, and prostitutes, and the occassional foreigners passing through. So the bar scene doesn't tend to be the most happening, and thus it is necessary to find other forms of entertainment.

DIGRESSION:

A quick side note on the term "bastard." In China this word is remarkably useful and can describe a wide range of men. I was astounded my first year in China how much I would here some of my most mousy and conservative of my students throw around the B-word. After finishing up a conversation about who their favorite pop-star was I would tell them I was considering going to a bar in town for a night and they would politely recommend that I don't go. When I would inquire as to why I shouldn't go out for a few drinks, they would promptly respond, "there are many (pause to wrap their minds and mouths around the new word) bastards there." This phraseology, clearly directly translated from a pocket dictionary, more than anything peaked my curiosity rather than deterring me. It is always funny to me the unfounded fear that so many people have of places they have never been. How do you know something is dangerous if you refuse to go see it? I wanted to confront these bastards head on and see what the true story was.


I discovered that what the students had said was pretty true, the bars and the discos in rural china, as well as many of the restaurants, and almost every motorcycle, are filled with bastards(Maximum capacity for one motorcycle around here must be like 8). But the bastards are far less harmful to other people than my poor students imagined. Basically a bastard is anyone who goes out after 8 o'clock at night to have a drink at a bar, disco, barbeque pit etc.... most likely wearing a leather jacket and tight jeans or a really awesome cheap suit(unless its summertime, in which case it would be difficult to find a bastard with a shirt on, even indoors, unless of course it was comfortably roled up exposing his well developed gut), sporting a cell phone they can't really afford, at least 3 packs of cigarettes (and the corresponding dental work), and a blood stream loaded with Baijiu (chinese liquor). The character of said bastards ranges from remarkably friendly to a little standoffish. They tend to be very macho, and pretty ignorant, but one thing is for sure, they love to talk to/at foreigners. I have spent about three years hanging with various bastards in different regions of China, never have I been in danger (though I have met a few men that have supposedly killed men with their bare hands, no joke, but these thugs don't hold a candle to the fear a group of smiley faced blood thirsty children can produce) and on the contrary I have been treated to alot of interesting and fun nights while in their company(which generally aid me with material for blogging). Would I consider myself a bastard? Absolutely!

Pop Quiz: Can you identify the Bastards?

Drinking Baijiu at dinnertime, maybe...

nipple pinching at dinner, probably...

(check out the composure of the guy to the left

still texting amid the chaos)

Shirtless pool playing outdoors after dark, most definitely!!

Anyway, bastards aside, I have found many other ways to go out and have a good time with legimate workmates and friends (Note: many my legitimate friends and workmates maybe bastards also, maybe even YOU), and I will keep a somewhat regular section in my blog of different ways I entertain myself Out On The Town.